I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize