but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
