Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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