How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
