This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You smell like stripper and shame
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
