I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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