We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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