So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
