I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
