I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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