omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize