I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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