I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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