i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
