I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize