I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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