New low: just hacked my moms facebook
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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