Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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