my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
