i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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