So drunk its hurt
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
