woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
