Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
