she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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