...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
