the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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