the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
