On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
These tits shall not be calmed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
