The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
