You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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