I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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