i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
