sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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