Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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