Where did you get a picture of my penis
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
