He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
