i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
