I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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