I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
