And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How's work?
Spinning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
