Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
