Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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