need another drink. this is the easiest way
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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