I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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