I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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