So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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