Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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