I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
