mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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