i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
