I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize