We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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