He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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