It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
These tits shall not be calmed
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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