Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
