So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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