at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize