I can tuck mytits in my pants
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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