i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize