rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
as a side note pls kill me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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