thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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