Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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