I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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