break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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