can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
