He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize