Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Randomize
