i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
