i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
