i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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