oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
