oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You're so nebulous sometimes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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