just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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