JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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