Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This gyro tastes like lonliness
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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