I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
